I'm either becoming very realistic or very pessimistic about love.
Over the last several months I've had severals discussions with friends about monogamy, about relationships, open relationships, marriage, cheating and it has me all wondering are forever-monogamous relationships and marriage things that can actually be successful? We all know people who have divorced, we all know people in unhappy marriages. I know more of these folks than I do folks that are happily married.
The thought of it is great, and pretty and makes us warm but it's hitting me that "forever" is a long time to make a monogamous relationship work. As I get older I lean towards the idea of being with a man that I love, adore, respect, connect to, having a baby or babies and making the partnership work for forever or for as long as it works, could be 10 years, 25... could be forever.
But sometimes I get glimpses of innnnnn love couples and I think damn... maybe I WOULD want to cement a relationship into forever-ness with someone one day.
But can it really last forever??
Is it as simple as two people wanting those ideals, believing in that, creating that world for themselves and committing to each other? Things could start off that way, with that mutual "forever" commitment... but we all know how life happens it completely flips you on your head, blindsides you and 10 years later you're a completely different person, with different opinions than when you made that vow to someone. Recently Fader Mag interviewed Eyrkah Badu on the cusp of her last birthday and it documented a moment of her co-parenting with Andre 3000.
"Later in the afternoon, Badu will meet up with Seven and André—Badu calls her co-parent her “best friend for the past almost 20 years.” An Atlanta native, André moved to Dallas after their son entered high school. The three plan to visit a Buddhist temple to see a priest who gave Seven and André a reading a few weeks ago."
This doesn't sound horrible. The two were (seemingly) in love once upon a time and now they're not. They're great friends with a cool child. They had a great love and moved on.
Am I just being a jaded New Yorker about this? Am I just a child of divorce? Have couples made me cringe in Target as they argue about shower curtains one too many times? Have I been in one too many unstable relationships? Maybe I just haven't met someone I wouldn't mind spending forever with? I don't know... just another thing I realize I'm absolutely undecided about mid/almost late twenties.
Your mid/late twenties are funny because up until your early 20s you think you know so much about what you want and who you are and how life is gonna go, how poppin' you're going to be and then life happens, your world expands and you're like 'Oh shit I actually don't know anything about anything. Who am I? What do I want my life to be.' The pressure can actually be pretty overwhelming, dare I say a more intense version of puberty?
I think I just may be on the dawn of defining myself again or carving myself out more. Is this actually how the rest of life is? Constantly realizing you don't know shit and stabilizing yourself? Old folks, blink twice if the answer is yes. Will I be writing "Lost 40 Something Chronicles" one day?